by Robert J. Kurz, M.A. Counseling

Sometimes it is difficult to determine who is really in charge in a family. God has clearly established
authority guidelines for parents and children, but not all are willing to follow them. Families that have
experienced divorce, or are attempting to start again in a blended family, often find it difficult to establish
rules and boundaries. Even in families that have remained intact, the children can be defiant and
unwilling to comply with their parents’ wishes. So, who might be in charge in a typical home today?

The Kids

Some parents actually give their authority to their children in an attempt to keep peace in the home. This
frequently happens if the father is passive, or absent a lot. Obviously, it is an extremely dangerous
proposition to put children in charge. They are far too immature, as well as inexperienced, to make adult
decisions and direct their own course in life. Many of them base their decisions on feelings and
emotions, rather than the truth of God’s word. Allowing children to make important lifestyle decisions,
without parental guidance, is to invite drastic consequences.

The Peer Group

Peer pressure is a very real force in our culture. Parents cannot ignore its influence on their children.
Nearly all children will attempt to justify inappropriate behavior by insisting that, “Everyone else is doing
it.” Parents must remember that they will answer to God for their own decisions, not the decisions and
parenting style of other parents. Children of all ages will persistently pressure their parents to relinquish
their authority, feeling the young generation is wiser and better informed. Parents must consistently use
the wisdom they have gained, knowing their children will one day mature and thank them for their
guidance.

The Media

The media exerts tremendous influence in the lives of our children, most of it being negative and contrary
to godly influence. Aleta Koman, in her book entitled, “Who’s the Boss?” states, “The media, through its
many channels of communication: Disrupts the teaching of humane values, encourages racist and
sexist attitudes, models negative behavior, desensitizes children to human suffering and fosters
rebellious attitudes toward those in authority.” Today’s parents have a tremendous responsibility to
protect their children from the vile influence of the media. They need to scrutinize their children’s
exposure to music, video, television and the internet.

The School System

The school system also has a great deal of influence in the lives of our children due to the amount of
time spent instructing them. Most public school educators have accepted an educational agenda that
has allowed the elimination of Christian based principles. Restraints have been placed on Christian
teachers under the banner of separation of church and state guidelines. Often times, there appears to be
a “We know better than the parents” attitude when it comes to teaching children the basics of life. As
adult role models, teachers are frequently viewed as very wise by the students they teach. Because that
is not always the case, parents must be actively involved in their child’s school programs and
organizations. We must never totally entrust the hearts and minds of our children into the hands of
strangers.

There is a constant challenge set before parents to resist the forces that would undermine their authority
and influence. Parents have been commissioned by God to be in charge of their children. Nothing can be
more important to them than that commission. To humbly accept our parental responsibilities and to
diligently train our children in the things of God is a high calling and a great privilege. Be actively
involved.